parental failure


What makes a good parent?

Having 3 boys myself, I often wonder if I am getting it right. My eldest is at university now and we are often complemented on his .. what? His knowing what he wants in life, working hard to get it, supporting us and the wee ones by running errands, driving them back and forth, being a trainer for the local football team (the one his youngest brother plays in). Generally speaking having his head screwed on and acting very mature for his age (soon to be 21).

But is that really down to Mr CB and myself? I hope so!! We brought him up to work for his goals in life, correction, to actually have goals in life. Needless to say we spoiled him in a way too, he never wanted for necessities, he did get stuff on top, too, within our means of course. But we also tought him that everything we have and bought we worked for and we did so damn hard. We also brought him up to respect adults and people in general, to show respect (also at times, when he is tired…. ;-)).

Our wee ones, well, I´d like to say that we are applying the same “technic” in their upbringing but at times it feels that it is so much harder. I don´t know if this is down to me working long and hard hours now, naturally, I do not have as much time for them as I would like and/or as I had with my eldest. Saying that, times have changed as well. School is harder for kids nowadays, much harder than even for their brother a couple of years ago. Respect is an unknown entity at our local schools, much as the teachers try, parents support of teachers is often little or none, making it that bit harder to teach.

Still, we´ve had good comments about my wee ones, too, they are charming (when they want to), clever (usually when backed up against a wall of report cards coming up 😉 ), certainly good-looking if I may say so myself, witty and most importantly, healthy!

So why did I entitle this post parental failure you might ask?

Because right in front of my door step, within my immediate family, the story is different..

My nephew is the same age as my eldest. He never wanted for anything in life, be it necessities or simply anything he wanted, he got it.

If he was not good at something, if he failed or even if he could not be bothered to stick with something, he quit and his parents supported him, making feeble excuses along the way. It was never his fault, always someone elses. He never wanted for money, a brand new car for his 18th birthday, holidays, expensive clothing. What he did miss out on were the little and yet so important things. Hugs, kisses and the feeling of being good at something, being given the feeling of being good at something.

I admit, at times I looked at them and felt sad, sad for my boys that I had to say no sometimes, when they wanted something. More so, sad when my boys asked why we couldn´t go on holidays because, despite working our A… off, money is tight, probably always will be.

But now, looking at them, and my nephew in particular, I don´t feel sad for my kids but for them. He´s failed in his school, despite 2nd attempts, he quit his apprenticeship – it´s all too much work and how can they ask him to do mundane jobs, first, shouldn´t he start at the top?
What´s more, he´s developed a gambling habit.

And what does my immediate family do? Retreat to their foreign holiday home over Christmas – they are so stressed, they need a break – without him of course, you can´t force a 20-year-old to tag along.
He´s still got the car at his disposal, money in his pocket – obviously enough to feed his habit, he is hoping to start a new apprenticeship at the end of the year – HOPING – yeah, right, why stick with this one if life´s soo good for him now. No responsibilities, just fun.

The point I am making, if there is a point to my confusing thoughts above, money isn´t everything in life and if my family had spend less time feeling above themselves and everyone else and more time in showing a real interest in their kid, teaching him values in life, to appreciate money instead of shoving it up his… then they probably wouldn´t be in this situation now.

And yes, I know that sounds horrible but truth to be known, I blame the parents, not the kid.

Advertisements

I am your average wife,mother,friend,employee....a bit lost in my world, a bit crazy at times but always good for a laugh - I think ;-)

Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in My take on:
3 comments on “parental failure
  1. Green Thumb Mama says:

    I have to say that to some degree, I do agree with you. If kids are never allowed to “clean up” after themselves and learn from mistakes, they never learn and don’t amount to much. Parents of adult children need to let them make mistakes and not bail them out, not support them financially and not clean up their messes.

  2. selfbeside says:

    I totally agree with u
    at least the parents consider of what will happen to the kid when they’re gone

  3. crazybunny66 says:

    Thank you both for your comments, I´m glad I´m not the only one who thinks parents can´t always make excuses for their kids. That´s said, of course I believe that parents should support their kids, just not be blind to their problems but rather help their children overcome them.

feel free to comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 183 other followers

free counters
Blog Stats
  • 4,127 hits
Check this out :-)
Archives
Categories
copkopp

Bewerbung beim Blaulicht

vitalsky

Thoughts and Miscellaneous

vic briggs

A writer adrift

The Blurred Line

It's the thin line between reality and fantasy. It's the thin line between sanity and madness. It's the crazy things that make us think, laugh and scream in the dark.

Comfortably Numb

Two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl

Secret Blogger Club

When being anonymous opens doors to your creativity.

anelephantcant

Random thoughts and images, some serious, some humorous, some pointless

Corner of Confessions

Just another WordPress.com weblog

My Wonderful Life

Adventures in parenting

clearlywriting

Use your words. If you can.

runningwithoutsocks

over-ambitious, under-prepared

OpenDialoguewithLaineyB

Entertainment and Everyday News brought to you in a flash

Meditative Mutterings

Fear Only That Which You Refuse To Learn

Erotica Exotica

An Erotic and Sexual Exploration for Adults Only

funnysideupandscrambled

Emphasis is on funny, without borders or restrictons

Shanpagne's World

Letting my creativity flow freely

Twenty-Nine for the Eleventh Time

Humor for middle-age and beyond

Vagenda Vixen

*A day in the life of the Vixen, a blog about EVERYTHING & ANYTHING: Life advice, Sex, Motivation, Poetry, Inspiration, Love, Rants, Humour, Issues, Relationships & Communication*

The Authentic Drunk: The Secret Public Blog

Sober and drunken explorations of life.

failedatforty

divorced! dating? deconstructed.

RHMWTY

not so everything about me

How NOT to Kill your Parents

... because you know you love 'em, and murder is really bad.

bwthoughts

copyright 2013 - no reuse without permission ( see bwfiction.wordpress.com for fiction and fantasy )

Dads not Mums

a father's perspective on bringing up children and living life

How is married life without sex?

This WordPress.com site is the bee's knees

mrstomiss

The eventful journey from marriagedom to singledom

I'm Not Lost, Just Weird

Qui Docet, Discit! (He who teaches, learns)

An Unfolding Heart

The Story of Living Vulnerably

jesseadler

I scribble therefor I am

Strength in a Page's Blog

Trying to make sense of this life.

Stiod - Stupid Ideas of the day

Our great and hardly working ideas in one only place... here.

nomoreblues's blog

thoughts vents & healing, moving on after my affair...

Jessica's Mumbo Jumbo

Take a glimpse into the world of an inattentive, oversensitive,hyperactive,& unorganized 33 year old mother with Attention Deficit Disorder!

One Man's Search for Peace

Father of eight trying to find his way.

zeroptions

Personal Journal of Brett Slade

Looser Or Not

The art of staying alive

A blogger in turmoil

How do you get over an affair?!

theanatomyofanaffair

Just another WordPress.com site

Word Play

A Place For Pleasurable Procrastination

The Game Of Life

There's no way to win...

i like margarine

accessories sold separately

Copy?

Watching life as a husband, father, pastor, and software engineer.

The Rookie Dad

New Challenges. New Lessons. New Pot of Coffee.

%d bloggers like this: