time for reflection


I´ve been blogging for about two months now and I have read quite a few posts of other fellow bloggers since then.

It seems to me that most of us are more or less in the same boat.

Some have to cope with family issues, others financially or work related.
The majority (of the blogs I´ve read) so far, are about relationship issues.

The way I see it, we can be categorized into 3 groups.

The lucky ones who are absolutely happy in their relationship or marriage, they seem to have found their soul mates I envy you!

The ones where at least one of the two seems unhappy in the relationship, either is having, had or is looking for an affair, not only in a sexual sense but also for companionship, conversation, cuddle .. anything like that.

And the ones where either both are unhappy but sticking it out for one reason or another, or have already split up, leaving a trail of destruction, regardless of who´s to blame, behind.

I guess I fall into the second category. This is not to say that I do not love my husband, and I can not stress enough that I know that he loves me but life has worn us out. We´ve had a rough time over the past .. let me think…13 years really, with one child being born with a deformity (luckily or rather thanks to brilliant doctors, determination and lots of time spent at the hospital and with therapists, he is fine now).

None of my kids were healthy babies,(unlike now, thank God) good sleepers or just easy-going and that takes its toll on a relationship. We have very little us time now and the one we´ve got is taken up talking about the kids, often resulting in arguments.

Job related issues or financial worries contribute as well and suddenly we find ourselves looking at the other side of life, where we believe the grass to be “greener”.

Someone recently called it “Groundhog” day, same shit, day in, day out. And suddenly you wonder if this is it, for the next 20 years or so, with no end in sight?

I was amazed to see how many of you are feeling the same way. This is not to say that I will go and have an affair, albeit temptation has struck, but I know what´s at stake and I am not prepared to risk loosing my husband for this. Opposites attract, but is this really true? We could not be more different, with different interests, different hobbies, different outlook on life. I guess that´s what makes life so difficult, finding a common ground, other than the kids of course. Talking about it is difficult, too, rather one-sided but we are working at it so there is still hope, I guess.

But what about the ones that have stopped talking? The ones where one has ventured out with fatale consequences? Can marriages be mended after this? How can one live with oneself day in day out knowing that they have inflicted so much pain on the partner they must have loved once?

Or, alternatively, would it be fair to stay together for the sake of the other persons “happiness”, thus forsaking your own? Will a clean break not be better, enabling both parties to pick up the pieces and pursue happiness elsewhere?

These decisions are difficult and can not be generalized. Every person, every relationship is different but when it comes down to it, one has to try to work at it or, if all else fails, salvage what´s left and move on.

Either way, I feel for you, out there, whatever your situation is. I hope you, and I, can work it out and find happiness again.

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I am your average wife,mother,friend,employee....a bit lost in my world, a bit crazy at times but always good for a laugh - I think ;-)

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Posted in Randomness
2 comments on “time for reflection
  1. Making a marriage work can be very hard work, and I’m wishing both you and your husband satisfaction and fulfillment in each other, and in your ongoing relationship together.

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