brutally honest…


I have not been so far. I am still scared, of people finding out who I am, judging me, scared about myself maybe.
Well, there´s always a first..
I was meant to meet someone today but D-Day´s come and went without meeting up.
Part of me is pleased about this, since I know deep down that it would not have been right. I don´t like lying and it would have involved a lot of lying.
Still, I kind of feel sad, even cheated. Because I am back to square one.
I have been with Mr CB for 23 years next week and we´ve had our ups and downs.
Meeting this guy today would not have been about not loving my husband.
But I am curious. I am sad and unhappy at times and I was kind of hoping that this meeting would have brought this longing feeling to an end.
I want to see what else is out there, want to know if it is me, if I should just put it to rest but now I can´t.
I can´t even say for sure if I would have slept with him, I guess that was the plan but we´d always kind of left it open, waiting to see what would happen but I guess, no, honest now, I know that was the plan and I know that would have happened.
So what now? It´s not about the sex, I don´t have to venture out for that. Although, strictly speaking it´s all about sex.
About feeling wanted. About feeling. About.

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I am your average wife,mother,friend,employee....a bit lost in my world, a bit crazy at times but always good for a laugh - I think ;-)

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