hypocrite or what?

it makes me wonder sometimes, the way I tick

you get bored with life and long for something – anything …. but then you realize that not all is what it seems  and slowly you find your way back into normal life, security, not that anything happened but it could have … that´s the danger.

meanwhile – normal life goes on, same old trot, not a lot to talk about despite all else…. I try to talk, try to explain, and suddenly….

other people turn up, from way back, he starts chatting, laughing, feeling great, not tired anymore, fb here he comes – before work , late at night – he used to say ..sad people who chat at that time in the morning – indeed – sad isn´t it hubby?

how do I explain that I´ve been there, done that, had the T-Shirt, know of the risks – I never did cheat on him – he says he wouldn´t,  but…. even the thought destroys so much

why can I not see this smile, his happiness, energy and all when he is with me?

why can he not try to understand that it takes two – to tango but also to work at it ???

20 years, 10 months, 28 days, – will we make it to 21 or more?

So am I being a hypocrite for texting or mailing someone with intend but never did do it and now I am upset at his constant “banter” online, 1:1 all night long?

maybe I am jealous, not of what they do but what they share – on the one hand – common childhood, happiness, friends, laughter, banter, flirting maybe ….. and on the other , marriage, 3 kids, lots and lots of stress, arguments, illness, money worries….

which would you choose???


I am your average wife,mother,friend,employee....a bit lost in my world, a bit crazy at times but always good for a laugh - I think ;-)

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